Deutsch’s Diatribe

Manly men do not sit right next to each other in the movie theater.

They may do so only if the theater is packed full to capacity.  Scratch that.  If the theater is packed full to capacity, a manly man will make a less manly man move so that there is one empty seat between him and his equally manly friend.

There is no compromising in manly-man world.  Only different degrees of suffering for those who are less manly.

I can’t explain this law; it’s more instinctual than anything else, almost like an unwritten code of conduct.  Besides, the empty seat is a great place to stash your popcorn, candy, and slingshots.  (After all, people who stand up directly in front of you to go to the bathroom need to know how you feel about your view being obstructed.)

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Thought of the Day:

“They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. They’re not laughing now.”

Bob Monkhouse, comedian (1928-2003)

No umbrellas.  Manly men do not use umbrellas.  They don’t care if their head gets wet, and they certainly don’t care if their hair gets messed up.  Pretty boys need not apply to the Manly Hair Club for Men.

After all, if there was ever an instance in which a manly man would actually need an umbrella—say, if six-inch hail was falling from the sky, the umbrella wouldn’t do much good, anyway.  If that was the case, a manly man would use a less manly man to shield him from the hail.

The only situation in which a manly man should keep an umbrella in his trunk is if he uses it to beat people, preferably muggers, purse snatchers, bank robbers, and people who take 25 items through the express lane.

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Thought of the Day:

“They deem him their worst enemy who tells them the truth.”

Plato, philosopher (427-347 BC)

Testosterone is a subject that screams to be blogged about. There are a number of reasons, but the main one is this—it can either be your friend . . . or your enemy.  That’s why I’m titling this series of blogs “Testosterone: Friend or Foe.”

What better person to discuss this subject than a man, who has first-hand experience with testosterone and the mind-altering qualities it possesses. It might surprise you that a man would come right out and state that testosterone can be detrimental to his existence, that it’s not some be-all, end-all elixir hormone capable of solving any problem or meeting any need, without the aid of pesky directions.

Nothing could be more misleading. Just like anything else, testosterone has its positive aspects and its negative ones, and also like anything else, its impact is predicated as much upon the person in possession of the hormone as the hormone itself. And guys, just relax. Although it might seem as though I’m participating in some passive form of male bashing, all I’m really doing is telling the truth.

Of course, the truth is often one of those things that testosterone has a real problem with.

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Think About This:

“Testosterone has been accorded vast powers, as the libido hormone, the aggression hormone, and the dominance hormone.”

Anonymous