Deutsch’s Diatribe

Okay—so it’s time to kick off my analysis of Cosmopolitan.com’s “How to Get Inside a Guy’s Mind.”  In the article, Cosmo presents 10 things that guys say and then decodes those statements with what guys really mean, and I’m going to tackle them one-by-one. So let’s get started, shall we?

1. He Says: “We should hang out sometime.”
He Means: “I’m afraid you’ll say ‘no’ if I ask you out.”

In short, this statement should never be uttered. First, I’ll address what’s wrong with it, and then I’ll offer some alternatives in my next blog post.

Problem #1—It reeks of fear and a lack of confidence. This is by far the biggest problem with the statement. Women are not attracted to fear. (That should come as no surprise.) They are, though, attracted to confidence . . . which is precisely why this phrase should be retired indefinitely. If a guy says this, he’s pretty much trying to protect his ego. That usually does not end well. You can’t try to protect your ego and be confident at the same time.

Problem #2—It’s ridiculously vague. You want to hang out sometime? When? Tomorrow? A year from now? In the afterlife? And why exactly do you want to hang out with her? She’s funny? She’s smart? She smells good? How about lending some direction to the proceedings? Women aren’t attracted to indecisiveness or a penchant for speaking in mind-numbing generalities, either, in case you were wondering.

Problem #3—It’s too tentative. This is further fallout from Problem #1, a lack of self-confidence. In fact, there should be a question mark after this statement, because basically the guy is asking whether or not he and the woman should hang out sometime. You’re the man in this situation. You’re supposed to act like the man. She wants you to act like the man. So be the man.

Overall, I agree with Cosmo in so much as ”We should hang out sometime” is a pretty weak-ass statement. There are definitely better ways to approach the situation than by leading with this dead-end declaration, and I’ll explore those in my next post.

So . . . what are your thoughts about this statement and/or my analysis of it?

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Think About This:

“Most couples have not had hundreds of arguments; they’ve had the same argument hundreds of times.”

Gay Hendricks, psychologist and writer (1945-present)

Blogging about relationships is fun. Okay, it’s mostly fun, but that’s good enough for me. What sparked this upcoming series of blogs was this article, titled “How to Get Inside a Guy’s Mind.” It was published by, you guessed it, Cosmopolitan.com.

This article claims to be able to de-code what men are really saying when they say something to their significant other. Being a guy and having a mind, I thought this might be a good opportunity to put it to use. Specifically, I wanted to see how close my analytic thinking is in comparison to people who put this article together. (Or person. After all, it could have been one. But I doubt it.)

So stick with me. I plan to break down each and every one of the 10 phrases this article addresses. Who knows? Maybe we’ll all learn something . . . myself included.

You may have read this already.  My buddy Drea Codispoti forwarded it to me in an email.  However, if you haven’t, you might find it to be not only the world’s shortest fairy tale, but also one of the funniest, especially if you’re a member of the male gender. Cinderella this is not. I welcome your thoughts and comments.

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, “Will you marry me?”

The girl said, “’NO!”
 
And the guy lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

The End

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Think About This:

“Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it.”

Maurice Chevalier, French actor and singer (1888-1972)